what the heck

Ok, seriously.  I have no idea what I am doing here.  I never thought I would be someone who blogged.  Writing is not something I feel that I am good at.  I hated english in school (take this as a disclaimer for all future misuse of punction, improper sentence structure, etc).  That being said, this must obviously a form a self torture. Alright, not really.  Here we go...

Since hitting my 30's and becoming a mama for the first time, things have started to click into place for me.  I feel I am changing and becoming more into myself.  For those of you that can relate, this will make total sense, and to those of you that can't this will sound crazy, but I spent a lot of my life never really knowing who I was.

I feel like I am starting to get to know myself.  I feel like I have a great intuition that I am only beginning to tap in to.  I have never known how to trust or listen to it.  I have been someone who has made decisions based on what the "right" thing was to do, not what my gut was telling me.  One of the things that has helped me connect with myself has been hearing other people's stories.  Hearing someone else speak from a place of truth in a way that resonates with me, helps me to gain confidence in my feelings and who I truly am.  So I am here to share pieces of my story and hopefully it will resonate with a few readers along the way.

I have no idea what this blog will be.  I know that I could spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to make it perfect and that might even delay it long enough that I change my mind and decide that this is just a silly idea (like I have done with so many things in my life).  Heck, I have already spent a few months thinking about doing this, but haven't for silly reasons.  I can't name it until I know it's purpose. Will it be stories and pictures about my family? Will it be about lessons that I am learning?  Will it be parenting focused?  It must fit in a little box and be a certain way...one way, right? Isn't that how things work?  It must be defined and then followed through on such definition.

This time I am deciding not to decide and just see where it takes me.  I guess that in itself is a definition, but I am going with it none the less.  Normally I would need this to be perfect before I post this.  But I am giving myself permission to just do it as it is.  Someday I'll get my blog template more spiffy and post a picture or two.  But for now, I don't need this to be perfect, I just need it to be me. So what the heck, here we go.