I
often think back to the time following Emlyn's birth. How amazing and
exciting it was. How trying it was. I think a lot about what I
would have told myself, knowing what I know now, to make things easier.
It may have not made any difference but nonetheless it is interesting to
reflect. This is of course based on my personal experience as a first
time mama and what has worked for me. This list includes mostly advice
focused towards mamas, not parenting tips. I know this list is not
complete as more things come to me as time passes, but I think it is a good
start. So let's get to it.
1.
Breastfeeding might not come easily and if it doesn't get help.
I
thought that breastfeeding was going to come naturally and easily and was so
surprised at how complex it was in the beginning. Getting the right latch, right
positioning, having to use both hands, having to re-latch. There were a few things helped Emlyn
and I become successful. I had tremendous
support from my husband, other mama examples around me, and a home visit from a
lactation consultant. The
lactation consultant was such a help! Although I didn’t use them, I do want to
mention La Leche League as a resource as well.
Before having Emlyn, the only experience that I had with breastfeeding
was from being around one of my friends.
That was it! Surrounding
myself with other nursing mamas was such a comfort and support. Breastfeeding
did get easier though. As she has grown, we have come across other
challenges (biting, nursing acrobatics) but it is so natural now. I am so
thankful to be nursing her at 11 months with no signs of stopping any time
soon.
2.
Take care of yourself during early postpartum.
Your
body needs lots of rest and good healthy food to help heal itself. Both
of these things are such a challenge given your plethora of responsibilities,
but so important. Sleep when baby sleeps. At 11 months, I still do this on some days! I wish that I would have focused more on healing
remedies after giving birth. Those pregnancy cravings and splurges
carried their way into postpartum and left me feeling not so stellar.
Which brings me to #3.
3.
Postpartum sucks.
For
some reason, most moms don't talk about this. People have no hesitations
telling you how miserable the 3rd trimester will be (for me it was great!) or
how challenging and painful labor was for them. Postpartum doesn't get
talked about much. Well it sucks...for me it did at least. Walking
was a challenge, sitting was SO painful, I bled more than I cared to witness,
and I had horrible digestive problems and pain for months after giving birth
(can I emphasize horrible). I'm not trying to scare anyone here.
Granted everyone's experience is different. I think it is good to
be honest with our experiences and good for moms to know that your recovery
won't likely be a week, or a few even. It takes time and yes it is worth
it but be prepared.
4.
Things will get easier, and then harder, and then easier, then harder.
I
used to think that the amount of energy and focus it took to raise Emlyn would
be a straight down sloping line. It would be hardest at first, and then
just keep getting easier. I laugh at myself to think that is the way I
thought things would go. It is such an up and down. Just when
things start to settle into a routine, a flow, a new phase is entered and with
it new challenges. Each of them glorious and exhausting.
5.
Shower/bathe at night
I
can't even say how much stress this took off me. I no longer go through
my day constantly wondering when I can squeeze my shower in. 8:00? 11:00?
4:00?!?! Now Emlyn and I bathe together at night and we she gets out, I finish
what I need to do. It is such a fun part of our day that I look forward
too.
6.
You grasp the concept that being a parent is a lot of work, but it really is A
LOT of work.
There
really isn't much I can say here because even if I said it, you can't really
know it until you are in it.
7.
Go easy on yourself. Don't get down if things aren't going as you thought.
I
spent a lot of time being harder on myself that I needed to be. Being a
primary care giver for a child is a FULL TIME job with lots of overtime.
If you are a stay at home mom or home on leave with your baby, the things that you think you will be able
to do might not be a reality, like keeping the house cleaner than ever
before!!, or exercising everyday, or growing a flourishingly beautiful garden,
starting each day of with freshly baked scones...you get the picture. Try
to keep your expectations at bay and take advantage of your
time together.
8.
Listen to your gut.
When
you are doing something that doesn't feel right. Stop and think about it.
Don't just do something because it is something that you read in a book
or it's something everyone else does. It is very easy to be convinced by
someone who emphatically believes in what they are telling you. It seems
as though there have been studies done to prove just about everything. At
the end of the day, what matters is what feels right.
9.
Buy one of the belly bands that help your stomach shrink back down.
I'm
not talking about the bands you wear to hold up your pants during pregnancy.
They are especially made for postpartum. Granted, I have NO idea if
they really work or not but I have it in my head that they are miracle makers.
Not to mention that I remember my guts (as in organs) feeling kind of
loose the week after giving birth. Almost like a big mass was missing (weird,
I know) and things could move a bit more freely than I would have liked.
Something to hold it all together would have been nice.
10.
Find support in people that are likeminded or are able to be supportive
even though they don't don't agree.
Sometimes
all you need to know is that someone else out there is going through the same
thing as you. Being in the trenches of this thing called parenthood can be very
bonding. It helps to have some support in parents that parent similarly
to you. It can also be nice sometimes to hear a totally different
perspective. Reach out to others. Trust me, you will need it.
11.
Carve out time for yourself.
This
is so important. The nature of being a parent is that you spend a lot of
energy and time on your child's needs. In order to give continuously and
have something to give, you have to take care of yourself. My therapist
used a great analogy that I will never forget. It is like they instruct
you on an airplane, you need to put your oxygen mask on first before helping
others. Fill yourself up so that you are able to give.
I know that this list really can't be only 11 tips long. So, what else should have made this list? What advice would you have given to yourself before your first kiddo knowing what you know now?
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