all i can handle

This has been a great week.  Really, I mean that.

For the past 3 or 4 weeks, I have been experiencing mama burnout.  Pretty much everyday.  There are a lot of things that I can think of that contributed to it, but I don't want to focus on that in this post.  My mornings would typically start out good and then by afternoon I would feel myself checking out and having less tolerance.  I would start playing with my phone or messing around on the computer.  Mindlessly, no purpose.  I wasn't focus on engaging with Emlyn and even found myself trying to get her to entertain herself more.  The dogs and cat would start to irritate me.  Everyone around me suddenly felt too needy.  My tank was low.

After I was feeling this way for a few days, Nate and I decided to try to alternating nights where we each get a bit of do whatever we want time.  He needed it to.  And I do think that has been helping both of us.  It is easy for us to lose ourselves in what we "need" to do. Weeding, mowing, vacuuming, bills, laundry.  I could fill this whole post of things that could be on our to do list.  We have also been doing a number of things to focus on ourselves, our marriage, and our family. All of this has helped me to be more capable of handling all that is life.

But again this week was different.  This was a week where Emlyn and I had commitments the first 3 days of the week that forced us out of the house.  One of which was a bit of time with other mamas and kiddos at a cafe.  As much as we try to get out of the house everyday for something fun, sometimes we do need that commitment to something else to make it happen.  Most of the time I try to schedule things to do toward the end of the week when I know that I be feeling a bit more burnt out.  I think that doing the opposite this week was better for me though.  Having fun when I had the most energy help keep me going the rest of the week.

I have also not done any chores this week.  I let go of that pesky schedule that I had in my head of vacuuming half on the house on this day, the other half on such and such day, doing a load of laundry every day, blah blah blah.  I just did the bare minimum that needed to be done.  And guess what, the world is still going round and round!  There are tufts of dog hair on the floor, crumbs galore, the yard is being consumed by weeds, and the laundry is piling up.  But I am okay with that.

Cutting myself some slack actually allowed me some ability to take care some of those to dos.  Taking the dogs for a walk was enjoyable.  Making dinner was more fun.  And I might even vacuum today.  Not because it needs to be done but because I can handle it today.  I can't keep up the expectations of my life as it was before Emlyn and have the time and energy to be the type of mama that I want to be.  I know that every week will be different.  I will have different needs and there will be different things surrounding us.  This week I did all that I could handle, not any more.  And it was great.